I am a list maker who makes lists of my lists. Files, folders, charts, mind maps, calendars. Checking things off of my list is so satisfying.
In less than three weeks Phil, Daniel and I will drive to Jomo Kenyatta airport and fly to the USA. I’m wrapping up life on this side of the world. Sorting through our stuff: store, pitch, give, sell, why did I ever keep this? and take to USA. Saying goodbye to friends. Tidying up loose ends at work. Buying presents.
Yesterday a friend and I were discussing the pace. Not what I’m doing, but what goes on inside my head. The kind of pace that jolts me awake at two a.m. to scribble a list of 25 more things I don’t want to forget.
We talked about finding calm in the chaos. It made me antsy to just think about calm. I can’t stop and waste time. That fifteen minutes between unpacking the groceries and leaving for a meeting is a golden opportunity to sort out the pantry!
Or is it? She reminded me that the Bible says, “be still...and know that I am God.” Maybe those fifteen minutes are a golden opportunity to actually stop. And in the words of my dad, to “simmer down.”
And what does the pursuit of calm look like? I thought of a picture I took of Daniel exactly seven years ago. I was walking up to school to meet him and there he was, sprawled out on the green grass under a blue sky. Doin’ nothin’.
Today, in the pursuit of sanity, I did it. I ate my lunch and then walked over to the recliner, tipped back, stretched out and did nothing. Just breathed. And had myself some calm.